A Memory in our Book

At Utah State I minored in Parks and Recreation.  If I learned one thing from that it was, "Leave No Trace".  The doctor called and the scans all revealed that my body had indeed and thankfully learned that lesson, the cancer left no trace!!

Feeling so grateful for my Heavenly Father, for granting me my one desire.  To be here longer to help my sweetheart raise these beautiful, energetic children.

Feeling so grateful to live in a day where we have so many wonderful medical advances.  Sometimes I feel like a cat with 9 lives.  So grateful to be alive today.  My sweet Michael came up to me the other day with the biggest hug, "Thanks for living Mom!"

I cannot thank my wonderful family, friends, neighbors and even strangers who have lovingly reached out to support and love our family enough.  It's been amazing.  We have felt surrounded by prayers, and that is a feeling I will truly miss.  It sustained us and gave us peace during a storm.

What do you say to someone who has cancer?  It was so amazing to have people simply ask how we were doing (not just me, but my whole family.  Cancer is a family affair).  I loved receiving simple texts saying we were being thought of or prayed for.  Nothing big, but it was BIG to us.  Thank you for teaching my family how to serve.

#8 With Mom

#9 With my Sister in Law, Lanay with Loni and Mom 

#10 with Clark, Loni and Michael

#11 with Karen Garbe

#12 My last Treatment Day we Celebrated.  My kiddos made this cute card for the staff at Utah Hematology Oncology.  They were wonderful to us.

Clark came with me

We brought Raspberry Rolls from the Old Grist Mill for the staff at Utah Hematology Oncology

And yes, Clark does look way better in my wig than I do!

What I hope my kids learned

Having cancer is not really a personal experience, it's a family affair!  I can't speak for my kids, but through this experience I do hope that they learned something.

They have watched the loving service so freely given by our family, friends, neighbors and even strangers.  I hope they remember that service that made our lives better and more freely give when they see suffering around them.

I think this experience has given them perspective, I hope that they will be brave to talk to people when they see suffering and not shy away from it.  They know how it feels when a family member is sick and they can be sensitive to feelings.

That mom is still mom even if her hair is gone.  While it was a little bit of a challenge getting used to the new appearance, they have all been so sensitive to my feelings.  When they see others with this similar challenge I hope that they can continue to be sensitive.

We can do hard things!  And we can be happy while we are doing them.  While we might not enjoy our circumstances we can still be grateful and happy.

They have learned about more household chores and skills, they are so much more capable than I gave them credit for before.

A new perspective

Every year I am so sad to send my kids off to school, especially Kindergarten and first grade.  It just is one more reminder that they are growing up so very fast.  This year, as Ike approaches his First grade year I feel like I have a new perspective.  I am just so very grateful to be alive and to be here for the next milestone in my children's lives.

My Mom asked me the other day, "Don't you just dread all that laundry?"  As I thought about it, no, I don't dread laundry or other tasks.  I am so grateful that I have days when I feel well enough to do those things for my family.  

I am so happy that I am around to potty train Millie, see Loni go to 6th grade, take Ike to first grade, to cook dinners, do laundry, listen to friend drama, wake up in the night with the kids nightmares or fevers, appointments, etc.

So grateful to be here!  This experience has taught me to slow down and enjoy the moments, to focus on today.  If you only focus on the end, you'll never find happiness in the journey.

What I loved about my cancer experience

Is that okay to write those two words in the same sentence, Love and Cancer?  While I would not have picked this experience, I would not go back and change it.  I have learned so very much through this experience that I would not change.

1.  The goodness and generosity of others.

2.  That you can find Peace amid a storm when you stay positive, grateful and close to the Lord.

3.  I can be happy in sickness.

4.  I can do hard things, my kids can do hard things!

5.  I can love who I am deeper than appearance.

6.  A bath and a nap can do wonders for health and happiness.

7.  Our Heavenly Father understands our situations and stands ready to help us.

8.  Our bodies are amazing, and it's incredible what we can endure, get used to and live through.

9.  I have grown closer to the Lord and have had many experiences where I have felt His loving presence.

10.  Loni can make dinner all by herself!

11.  I have learned to ask for help, to accept help.

12.  I have learned to be grateful for each day and small tasks that I have energy for and am capable of doing.

13.  Learned to be okay with simply doing the things that matter most, like being with my kids more than having a clean house.

14.  I appreciate the days that I feel well.

15.  Somehow the things I used to worry about seem so small and so unimportant.

16.  I believe that I am more sensitive to the suffering of others, and have a stronger desire to reach out.

I could go on and on.  While I am grateful that this experience is becoming a memory in my book, I hope that I can keep these lessons in my heart.

An Adventure in Gratitude

If everything always turned out the way we planned, where would the adventure be?  Our own plans are perfect, predictable, happy. If life was always that way, could we learn to be happy with the unexpected, with the unpleasant and imperfect?  No way, and that's why life doesn't always go as planned.

Is there ever a good time for Mom to be sick?  Really?  Kids still need to eat breakfast, go to school, be run to activities.  They still need to be reminded and disciplined and loved.  There is never a good time to be sick, so why not now?  As I've thought about having cancer at this time in my life I've come to the conclusion that maybe right now is the perfect time to have it.  I have 5 beautiful reasons to get out of bed each morning.  I have 5 beautiful reasons to forget myself and go to work.  

"We sometimes think that being grateful is what we do after our problems are solved, but how terribly shortsighted that is.  How much of life do we miss by waiting to see the rainbow before thanking God that there is rain?"

President Uchtdorf

I can't afford to wait for cancer to be gone to enjoy being a mother.  I can't afford to wait for cancer to be gone to love my husband.  I can't afford to wait for cancer to be over to be happy, to enjoy my summer, to read a book, work on my hobby.  My kids are growing up way too fast, I can't afford to wait until cancer's over to enjoy my kiddos.  I want to be their mother and cancer has reminded me how fragile life is.  How important it is to enjoy the moment.  

"Life is to be enjoyed, not just endured."

Pres. Gordon B. Hinckley

I loved President Uchtdorf's talk in the last General Conference, "Grateful in Any Circumstances"  He reminds us in a beautiful way the importance of being grateful.  "It might sound contrary to the wisdom of the world to suggest that one who is burdened with sorrow should give thanks to God.  But those who set aside the bottle of bitterness and lift instead the goblet of gratitude can find a purifying drink of healing, peace and understanding."  He suggests that being grateful for blessings is important, but we should not make gratitude contingent on that.  Gratitude should be an overall spirit or attitude.  "I don't believe that the Lord expects us to be less thankful in times of trial than in times of abundance and ease."

"Being grateful in times of distress does not mean that we are pleased with our circumstances.  It does mean that through the eyes of faith we look beyond our present-day challenges.  This is not a gratitude of the lips, but of the soul."

"True gratitude is an expression of hope and testimony.  Being grateful in our circumstances is an act of faith in God."

Even when days are hard, we can look at our lives and find things to be grateful for.  We can't afford to wait for life to be perfect to be grateful.  Life will never be perfect, and we would never feel grateful.

Today I am grateful for:
1.  My handsome and loving husband.
2.  My 4 beautiful and healthy children.  For their energy, their hugs and their NAP time!
3.  The sunshine and my flowers.
4.  Running water and a warm shower.
5.  The Gospel of Jesus Christ.
6.  That I am HERE, I want to be their mother and his wife.  No matter the challenge that brings, I am happy that I am doing this, not someone else.
7.  That I feel well enough to do laundry, to go on a walk.

What a beautiful world it would be if we could all see the Adventure that life presents and be grateful!

What is it about Hair?

I loved my long hair, I loved my messy pony tail, I loved at night when Millie would run her hands through my hair and tell me, "pretty hairs Mommy!", I loved when Michael would comb my hair when I was having a bad day.

In December when I wasn't feeling so well I decided that if I got a hair cut I would suddenly have energy and feel "spunky" again!  So, I did it, I cut off 10 inches and felt terrific for a day or so!  Why did I give my hair so much credit?

We do that though.  When we're not having a good day, it's a bad hair day.  When we wake up grumpy, there's bed hair to blame it on, what is it with our hair?

I knew it would be hard when the hair started coming out, what I didn't realize was that it was hard for everyone else in the family too.  Loni was insistent that she didn't want a bald mom!  

So, we decided to make a party of it to help it not be so scary.  I invited my good friend and hairdresser over, Sharice and the party began.  We tried all those "awesome" hair-dos that I'm sure if I were a teenage boy I would have dreamed of having.  Steps, mohawk, mullet, shaved Clark's name in the side and even shaved it all except the bangs....  We laughed until we cried.

You know, it isn't so bad, and honestly it's not really all gone.  I looked at a poster hanging by Ike's bed the other night and realized that my hair looks a lot like a Minion head! 

The night I shaved my head, because it was coming out in handfuls, Clark sang me this country song by Randy Travis.....

They say that time takes it's toll on a body
Makes the young girls brown hair turn grey
But honey, I don't care, I ain't in love with your hair
And if it all fell out, well, I'd love you anyway

What a sweetheart, that's what I needed to hear.

Reasons I love being bald:

1.  My Dad said that I can let a shampoo bottle last for years!  Only problem is getting sick of the same scent!  Think of all the money saved on hair products!

2.  I have to be somewhere in 10 minutes, no problem, I still have time for a shower!  No more waiting for hair to dry.

3. Millie quickly learned to say, "pretty hat, pretty scarf, pretty eyes, pretty smile Mommy"  I love that.

4.  I asked Michael what he thought of his Mom being bald, he put his hand on my forehead and the other on my chin and said, "It does not matter Mom because between here and here you are still beautiful!"  I love that!

5.  A no hair day is better than a bad hair day!

6.  Save all sorts of time getting ready, just throw on a hat

7.  Love wearing a hat to church


We're all getting used to it, Loni even said the other day she didn't care if I wasn't wearing a hat all the time, as long as I wore it outside the house at all times!  That's improvement, I'll take it.  

It will grow back, it's just hair.  In the meantime I'll enjoy the benefits of a life of ease without hair, and time and money saved.  I've learned to love myself for what is inside rather than out.  My children are learning to see differences in a new light that they would not have seen otherwise.  That is a beautiful lesson.  

I'm still Lisa, hair or no hair, it's still me.  Feeling grateful I still have my lashes and eyebrows, that might have been a different story!

Half Way!/Angels

I believe in angels

The kind that heaven sends

I'm surrounded by angels

But I call them my best friends.

Unknown

This past Thursday I received my 6th out of 12 treatments.  Excited to have made it this far.  The past months have flown by and as I reflect on that, it's because we have been surrounded by the most amazing supporters; family, friends, neighbors... A burden as truly been lifted through all those willing to reach out and be "His" hands.  Thank you!

Sidewalk art by the Beehives in our ward!

Cousin, Tyra Dilley, came to treatment with me

Treatment #7 with Susan Andersen

Rainy Day

Don't feel much like having cancer today!  Just not in the mood!  If only it were that easy.  

I woke up to the sound of rain and it reminded me of the "rain, rain, go away...." song we all know.  I sang to myself, "Cancer, cancer, go away, Lisa doesn't want to play.  Cancer, cancer, go away, my kiddos need their mom today!"  

So I rolled out of bed and began my day.  Kids off to school, walked on the treadmill, made necklaces and drawings with Millie.  Read books and rocked her to sleep.  Had Ike sit on my lap and look at his beautiful Mother's Day creations.  Watched Loni perform a play.  I pulled weeds, talked with friends and warmed up dinner.  An awesome day!

I refuse to let cancer tell me how to live my life.  It can't dictate who I am or how I feel.  I'm still a Mom, I'm still a wife and I can still be happy.  Sorry cancer!  

Found this cute poem by Dr. Seuss:

I have heard there are troubles

of more than one kind.

Some come from ahead and 

some come from behind. 

But I've brought a big bat.

I'm all ready you see.

Now my troubles are going

to have troubles with me!

I am ready to fight, cancer will have troubles with me!  My beautiful kids and my charming husband are what I am fighting for.  I don't want to miss it!

A great rainy day with the kids!

Prognosis

Philippians 4:13  I can do ALL things through CHRIST which STRENGTHENTH me.

My first visit with the doctor about my diagnosis said this to me, "If you had to choose a cancer, this is the one you would choose."  There is an 80-90% chance of beating this even with my stage 3B diagnosis!  

After one round of chemo treatment my tumors and shrunk 80%.  After 4 treatments, the doctor could no longer feel any tumors!  This miracle medicine is working!  We are so grateful.  

I look around the two treatment rooms full of individuals who are also receiving treatments, 15 people or so, and I am full of gratitude for the miracle of modern medicine.  Look at all these people getting help and receiving hope! While chemo does leave me tired, achy and sick for a few days,
I LOVE CHEMO! It's fighting a great and aggressive fight for me!!

Alma 9:17 ...the Lord will be merciful unto all who call on his name.

Timeline

As I look back at the last several years, I can identify many symptoms.  It's amazing how your body adjusts and gets accustomed changes.  I can remember before we had Millie, our youngest who is now 2, some signs of this disease now that I reflect on it all.

June 2013 is when I really started noticing changes that needed attention.  While I was pregnant with Millie I started taking medication for my thyroid and I assumed that what I was experiencing was due to that.  So, all summer we were changing doses.  I was giving that little thyroid way too much credit!!  In December when my levels were at normal and I still didn't feel well I realized that something more was going on.

My biggest complaint was extreme fatigue.  People would say, "well, you have 4 energetic children and a busy husband!" Yes I do, and yes their energy is exhausting.  However I think most Mom's can get off the couch and accomplish something during the day,  I couldn't.  I would sit down at 11 to help Ike with his homework and I honestly struggled to get up before Clark got home from work at 5!  If I accomplished one task during the day I felt pretty good about myself.  This was so unlike me.  I love to check things off lists, spend time with my kids and exercise!

I remember Clark and I attended the Beautiful Brigham City Temple in December.   I prayed while there that I would be able to realize if my symptoms were severe enough that I needed to see the doctor.  I didn't want to show up and have him just tell me that I was tired because I had 4 kids, that I was lazy or depressed.

In December because the weather turned cold I started to do my jogs on the treadmill.  One morning I was seriously struggling.  I could not even go one min. without having to turn off the machine and take a long breather!  I was hurting!  I am not a runner by any means, but I had been jogging 3 miles almost every day till now so this was not just a case of being out of shape.  Within a week other symptoms surfaced and I was convinced that I needed to see the doctor.

I started charting my heart rate which at resting was consistently 120bpm!  This was alarming to me most of all.

Nightly I would fever and have an ear ache.

Night Sweats

Persistant Cough

Unexplainable weight loss

Light headed and dizzy, out of breath frequently

Before I even arrived home from my first appointment the doctor called with results from a blood test.  While in his office we explored the idea of a heart condition, however the blood work showed severe Anemia.  I don't know what all these numbers mean, but my numbers were at a 26 and were supposed to be around 45!

We did a month of iron treatments and B12 vitamins to find the next month my levels had dropped to 25!  How could that be when I was taking iron supplements?  This is when the exploration began.

We decided to do a blood transfusion.  So grateful for people able and willing to donate their blood!  This was followed by other tests, ultrasounds, biopsy's, etc.  Each test, each doctors visit came back inconclusive.  How could I be loosing so much blood and have no idea where?  One doctor we visited  made a suggestion of seeing a blood specialist.  It just all sounded too strange.  This is when Clark and I started considering that this could be cancer.

February 14, Valentines Day

I woke up early, made heart shaped waffle toast for the family, got everyone out the door for school and work and decided to hit the shower.  That is where I discovered a huge lump on my neck.  Never noticed it before, didn't hurt.  I immediately called my sister, who is a Pharmacist.  She told me to put heat on it and see if it would go down.  I did that all weekend, to no avail.  Again, giving that thyroid way too much credit, I figured it had something to do with that.

February 17, Presidents Day

Visited my doctor who thankfully didn't dismiss it as an infection and put me on antibiotics.  He was very proactive and had me scheduled for a CT scan that afternoon.  He called that evening with results and wanted Clark and I to come back to the office.  I think by this point we knew what was happening.  It's never a good thing when the doctor is waiting in the lobby for you.  Thankfully my parents called and were on their way up for dinner.

"Characteristic of Lymphoma" is what the doctor said.  He had us scheduled with a doctor in Ogden for the morning.    

I had already been to the doctor so often that the kids started discussing who was to receive the next pair of "stylish" hospital slippers!

The next two weeks were crazy, busy with tests, biopsies, port placements, doctors appointments and more tests.  The PET scan came back indicating that the cancer had progressed further than originally thought.  At my first oncologist visit they were thinking stage 2B, however the final diagnosis was Hodgkins Lymphoma stage 3B meaning the cancer had progressed passed the diaphragm but not into another organ yet.  I think that diagnosis was harder and more upsetting for me than the original.  Thankfully I have a wonderfully calm, confident and optimistic Oncologist and he was able to calm me down.

Within 2 weeks we started Chemo Therapy.  We were so anxious to start getting rid of this progressing cancer.  

I receive a treatment every other Thursday.  I am scheduled for 12 treatments, which will put me finishing up around the middle of August if all continues to go well.  There are about 5 bags of medicine and about the same number of shots.  It takes about 4 hours to complete.  

Treatment day is actually very fun!  I get to go hang out with people I love for a few hours.  We eat good food, visit, play games, watch movies.  It's great!  Too bad it takes a cancer diagnosis to get me to spend this kind of time with family and friends!!

 I usually leave feeling light headed, have a head ache and my face burns!  Grateful for a ride home!

The following day I go back to Ogden to get a shot that boosts my immune system.  I think this is what troubles me more than the chemo.  My bones and muscles just ache for days after this shot.  It's like I just ran a marathon and every muscle just hurts to even look at!  I had no idea that eye lids and tongues could ache like that!

After a few days of aches my life is beautiful!  I honestly can say that I feel better than I have in years!  I am not tired, I sleep well, I can eat and exercise and somewhat keep up with the kids.  It is incredible!  These days between treatments are what help me know that what we are doing is working.  I feel so hopeful and blessed.

 It has been amazing to me how supportive our ward, friends, family and strangers have been.  I had no idea how many people cared!  It has been so good for our kids to see the many ways that people can serve.  It's because of these people who come to help me clean, come to watch my kids, cook for us, carpool, etc...that I am able to take the time I need to recover between treatments.  So grateful to my Heavenly Father for the goodness of His children.

Yes, I lost my hair.  This is a subject that deserves more than a small blurb, but I'll just say...it was not nearly as traumatic as I thought it would be.  You can cover your head with a hat or scarf, but what about those eye brows and eyelashes?!  So thankful we haven't had to cross that road yet!

A BIG THANKS to the many many people supporting our family during this time.  Words can not adequately express how grateful we are.  A burden is truly being lifted through you.  Not a day has gone by when someone has not dropped in, called or sent a note.  It's amazing what a thought can do to lift someones spirits.

I could complain, but it wouldn’t change my situation. I can be happy and be sick, or just be sick. I choose to be happy. -Tyler Smith

My name is Lisa Funk, I am 32 years old, a Child of God, a Wife, Mother, Daughter, Sister, Granddaughter, Aunt, friend, and I have cancer.

One may ask, “Why me, or why now?”  I don’t ask that question, I say, “Why not?”  Everyone has challenges, this is mine.  I feel so incredibly blessed.  I am 32 years old and I have already accomplished so many of my life goals.  I was married in the temple to a handsome, thoughtful, spiritual man who I can proudly call my best friend, cheerleader and supporter.  I am the mother to 4 beautiful, healthy, energetic children.  Together we have a home, and Clark works so hard that I can stay home and care for our little ones.  I am a college graduate, and each day I get to practice what I learned in Psychology and Recreation.  So, why me?  Why now?  No!  WHY NOT!

Don’t get me wrong, this has not all been easy.  Getting to where we are now involved months if not years of physical questions, fatigue, and more just to name a few.  The diagnosis came, not as a surprise, but still involved many tears, prayers and questions.

Let me tell you a little story.  About 10 years ago Clark and I had just moved to Brigham City.  We had both graduated from Utah State University and were excited to start our adventure with Clark teaching at ACYI as a full time PE teacher, his dream.  We moved to a small 100  year old retal house on the South End of town.  Everything was going right, however I had this overwhelming fear of death.  I was not sick, I had no ailments, I probably just had too much alone time.  However I could not sleep at night and I could not enjoy myself during the day.  I was miserable and overcome with this fear of dying young.  It consumed me.  Today I am faced with an illness that if not taken care of I could die, and many have.  Do I have that same fear?  Not one day of it.  It is proof to me of the scripture 2 Timothy 1:7 where it says, For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.

My fear 10 years ago was completely irrational, and not of God.  My fear today is completely swallowed up by the peace, power and love of God.  John 14:27  Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you; not as the world giveth, give I unto you.  Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.  John 16:33 These things I have spoken unto you, that in me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world.

While Cancer can be scary, it involves months of sickness, pain and endurance and a sometimes uncertain future, that’s not what is tragic.  The greatest tragedy as Ray Pritchard said, would be “to miss what God wants to teach us through our troubles.”  I pray that I and my family can learn what it is that God wants us to learn from this trial.  Those lessons and blessings are already flowing in.  Harold B. Lee said, “Sometimes when we are going through the most severe tests, we will be nearer to God than we have any idea.”   And Richard G. Scott said, “God loves us perfectly and would not require us to experience a moment more of difficulty than is absolutely needful for our personal benefit or for that of those we love.”

I surround myself with prayers, scriptures, good quotes, family and friends and we are happy.  James 5:11 Behold, we count them happy which endure.